DEATH PENALTY for writing checks in the EXPRESS LANE.

Now, dear readers, who are my cute little intellectual Chia Pets, HERE is a cause in which I truly believe. If you even APPEAR to be about to produce a checkbook from your bloated-ass purse in the EXPRESS LANE, you MUST DIE INSTANTLY. No due process, no police, not even the generous protections of the NDAA. Electrocution devices must be installed in ALL express lanes to discourage such abhorrent misbehavior. In psychology (one of the many fields in which I have a self-awarded master's degree), this is called "behavioral conditioning." After you see a few people die in the express lane while having the shit blasted out of them by Nikola Tesla's ghost, you will think twice about whipping out that fucking checkbook. AND SHIT BALLS IF THAT ISN'T THE RIGHT THING TO DO.