THE ADMIRAL IS ***THE*** ADMIRAL

There is none other. Accept no substitutes, or, if you must, at least let me know of their existence so I can break a photon torpedo off in their ass. I am the Admiral of Admirals. 'Tis upon my mighty Ship that all navies do sail, and 'tis upon my mighty Lip that all bacteria do prevail. That's because I have a mustache. And that's because I am too lazy to shave. Why shave or engage in any personal hygiene when you are THE ADMIRAL OF ALL EXISTENCE? Haha, you laugh, but this is a ZEN FUCKING KOAN. Oh shit, now you're trying to think that shit out. Good luck, noobs.